Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I supernannyed him into submission
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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