She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
