I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
