I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
