How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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