I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
