shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
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