You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize