your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
