Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
