not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
if only i could text you this smell
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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