If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
