What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
