no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
