Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
