If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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