I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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