Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
