we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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