we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
