I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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