Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Im just a social blackout drinker.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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