you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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