You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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