I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
