I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
My vagina just recognized that song.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
