Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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