May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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