Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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