My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
