You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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