im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
