my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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