We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
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