he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
