dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I fill condoms, not promises.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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