No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
