Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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