we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
