woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
