if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
