They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
