I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
