Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
