i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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