i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
