Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
