my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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