my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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