Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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