Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
