i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
