If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
