He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
